Letting Go of Our Sins

Some days, I just feel so unholy. (I know, great first entry on the Resonate blog. :P I am sure I will soon hear from Ray if this is not theologically sound!)

And I feel far away from God. I am a Christian who has experienced enough of God to know that life without God would be meaningless for me. Yet, at times I just feel totally unworthy and that makes me pull away from Him. Read on if you can identify with this, because at times like that, I cling on to the things that I know deep down, and that helps me through. I hope it helps you too.

It is a vicious cycle - in moments of weakness I sin (judge others, gossip, act self-centred, lose patience, rage, you name it...), then I feel guilty about it and avoid God (as if He didn't already read my mind as I thought all those terrible things!), then I miss out on my quiet time with Him, then it's all a bit awkward from then on, and I gradually just drift farther and farther away from Him. And without Him, you see, I am weak. And moments of weakness become the norm.

Times like that, I think... God, if You have really forgiven me, why aren't You talking to me? Why won't You just tell me that everything's okay?

Usually, after moping for a while, I pause for long enough to hear His answer: You already know that I have forgiven you. You just haven't soaked it all up yet. You are losing sight of what you know to be true because of the guilt that you feel. I'm telling you that everything is okay - you just aren't listening. It is you that won't spare me the time of day to listen to what I have to say to you. Get over it!

Which reminds me of a story I heard in my old church in Auckland... (If you've heard a slightly different version of this elsewhere, it's because this is my version, recreated from the bits that I remember.)

There was a bunch of sinners registering for kind of an... absolution conference, where they would pay their dues for all the things they had done wrong. At the registration booth, they were given one of those stick-on name tags where they had to write not only their names, but also why they were there. After that, they went round the room introducing themselves.

"I'm John, I'm a murderer." John bowed his head in shame.

"I'm Lucy, I'm a thief." Lucy looked glad she was after John.

"Sally... an adultress." Sally could barely say the words.

And so this went on. Eventually a man without a name tag stood up and said, "My name is Jesus, I have not sinned."

"What do you mean you haven't sinned?" asked the organisers in a rage, "What is your name and what have you done? Where is your name tag? You need to register and you need to say what you've done wrong."

Jesus walked around the room and took the name tags off all the sinners there. He stuck them on His chest, one by one. And He said, "My name is Jesus, I have not sinned. Here are my name tags. My name is John. My name is Lucy. My name is Sally..."

Fundamentally, we sin and fall short of His glory. So try not to sin. But when we do, we need to get up, get right and move on. We need to see that it isn't enough just handing over our name tags to Him - we also have to stop calling ourselves names.

Sin separates us from God because He is holy. That is the whole reason for the Cross! But a sin committed, and left on its own to grow into a festering wound of guilt, really has the potential to damage our relationship with Him. Once we repent, that's it - we really have to let God deal with it - we really have to let God.